An experimental orgasm sends subjects squeeling into the street

CHATANOOGA--Chris Spittle, chairman of Thought One Communications announced today a new improved form of orgasm which he says will be marketed by his company in conjunction with paid advertising. The new Electrical Brain Stimulation (EBS) service is expected to be available in October, and will be marketed under the trade name Orgease.

Every orgasm, which can last from 7 to 10 minutes will be preceeded by 30 seconds of advertising and followed by 3 minutes of electro-concept ads. These ads which appear directly on the ``mind's eye'' are not broadcast over the air waves and therefore are not subject to FCC regulations. The Food and Drug Administration has also declined to regulate Senator Spittle's company.

ESB insiders expect that the tobacco industry will be a major sponsor of this new advertising form which can trigger a need/want reaction in conjunction with the image.

Tobacco industry spokesperson Brandish Helms said today that no final decision has been made with regard to advertising with Thought One, ``but I expect that we'll be looking carefully at the orgasm market to see if there is a place here for carefully constructed associations with tobacco.''

Not-for-profit watchdog organizations were quick to comment. When contacted by Cauldron, Children's Media Watch president Terry Morris stated flatly: ``We will take steps to insure that parents who wish to prohibit their children from using the service will have a `parental lock-out' option.'' Children's Media Watch has been authorized by Congress to generate regulation regarding any Children's issue.

The Consumer Safety Union issued a short statement stating that they would start to develop a wait-and-see posture with regard to Thought One. Spokesperson Shaun Hedges added, ``Until our team of ESB evaluation people have time do more testing we won't be able to comment in any depth.''

In response to questions from the Homeless Tribune, Spittle noted that Orgease ESB service will be priced at $2.0 - $16.0 depending on the brand and level of fantasy. ``With this kind of agressive pricing we expect all standardized income levels to be able to afford 5 simple stimulations per day, or at least one premium brand.''

As with all other ESB services, Orgease will be prohibited from servicing individuals with Social Stability Quotients under 4, or Moral Alignment Quotients under 6.

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